you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
