dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
