i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Randomize
