Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
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