you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Randomize
