Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
