how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
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