I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
