if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
ttyl tear gas
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
