john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Never joke about your clitoris.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
