totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
