yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Your mouth is God's brothel.
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
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