Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
