how can u be prego again
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
whose parrot is this?
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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