I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Randomize
