Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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