I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
