Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
