all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Panties = found
Randomize
