got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
