just come out here and I will go home with you...
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Randomize
