Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
