I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I showed him my bush... on skype.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
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