White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
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