Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
