i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
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