If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
he wants to bone in the snuggie
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
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