found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Randomize
