oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Randomize
