She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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