tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
