You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize
