they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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