Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
