like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize
