I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Randomize
