Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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