Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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