remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Randomize
