is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Randomize
