Only a mothe r could love this liver
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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