I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
that is very illegal...i love you.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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