You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
