his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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