we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
