Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
