I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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