I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
