He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Damn victory sex feels great
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
