Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
