We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
