Walk of Shame. In a state park.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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