Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
